An indecent proposal
by renrenren3
Summary: DEAN WINCHESTER WILL YOU MARRY ME? HUGS AND KISSES, CASTIEL.


Dean learned long ago that the answer to the question "whose fault is it?" is in ninety nine percent of cases "it's Gabriel's fault". So, as soon as Dean sees the pentagram... well... first he has to wait for Sam to stop laughing, but the second thing he does is calling an angel.

"Gabriel," Dean yells. "You bastard, where are you? I know you're around somewhere. Show yourself, this isn't funny."

As expected, Gabriel appears in the room after barely two seconds, and he's not even making an effort to hide his smirk. The bastard was probably lurking somewhere, spying them.

"Hi there, Dean," Gabriel says. "Are you sure you called the right angel?"

He winks and points towards the pentagram drawn on the floor of Bobby's living room. Ovenight, around the symbols and sigils someone wrote: _DEAN WINCHESTER WILL YOU MARRY ME? HUGS AND KISSES, CASTIEL._ Just to make sure there won't be any doubts that it's all Gabriel's handiwork, the letters are bright pink and are sparkling.

Dean glares at Gabriel. "It's not funny," he repeats.

"It's a bit funny," Sam says, from his hiding place in a corner of the living room, and Dean is in half a mind to sic Gabriel on his brother. After Gabriel has erased this thing from the floor, of course.

"Get rid of this before Cas sees it," Dean tells Gabriel.

Meanwhile all of the noise has attracted Bobby inside. "What are you doing now?" he asks, peeking in from the back door.

Before Dean can answer, Gabriel chimes in. "Dean has just received a marriage proposal from Castiel," the angel says.

"It's not true," Dean tries to argue, while at the same time Bobby exclaims, "It's about time that you two idjits pulled your heads out of your asses!"

Dean goes purple in the face. "No... what... no chance in hell!" he yells, and since today, as always, the universe has a perverse sense of humor, that's the moment Castiel chooses to make his entrance.

"Dean," Cas says. He looks at the words on the floors, and then he looks at Dean, and he looks half confused and half inscrutable and half sad.

Sam glares at Dean. "You hurt his feelings," he says. "Dean, how can you turn him down like this?"

Gabriel is quick to jump on the bandwagon. "Of course, I only wanted to help my little brother, who's completely unable to express his feelings like a normal person," he tells Dean. He steps closer to Cas and puts one arm around his shoulders. "I'm sure that Cassie's biggest dream is to marry you and live in a house with a garden and a white picket fence and have two beautiful kids and a dog. The kids you might have to adopt, or you could ask me and I'd be only too happy to adjust the biology." He leers. "I'm sure you'd have beautiful kids with Cassie's eyes and Dean's cheekbones and if you're lucky someone else's brain."

At this point Dean stops listening, and also he pretends he didn't hear all that came out of Gabriel's mouth in the last minute, because there are things that a man shouldn't have to hear, and do you realize that this is the angel who told Mary that she was pregnant?

Dean tries to meet Castiel's gaze and maybe to transmit him the message that his joke has already lasted long enough and it's time to douse Gabriel in oil and set him on fire, but Castiel keeps staring at the floor and his face goes from pink to fuchsia to scarlet red. But he's still not saying anything, not even when Gabriel starts spouting off names for their future hypothetical dog that they'll never have.

"Cas?" Dean asks. Something in his voice makes Gabriel shut up, but Dean almost doesn't notice because he's still staring at Cas and, oh God. "Cas, this is a joke, isn't it?" Dean asks, and his tone is maybe a bit desperate because, oh God, what is he going to do if this isn't a joke, if really Castiel wants to marry him and go live in a suburban home and have genetically modified kids and _oh my God_. "Tell me it's a joke."

But Cas doesn't answer and keeps staring at the floor.

"This time you won't get off so easily," Gabriel says, and he uses his angelic powers and his obnoxiousness to stop Castiel from leaving before he's answered Dean's question.

"It doesn't matter," Castiel says in an undertone. "You said no anyway."

At this point Dean would very much like to have a moment like in the telenovelas, push Gabriel away, take Castiel in his arms and swear he'd do anything for him. But he's Dean and not, say, Fernando or Alejandro. So he stays glued to his spot in the middle of the room and stammers something about "How could I know you were serious?" and "Pink! Sparkly pink!" and "That Gabriel bastard..."

Then Castiel maybe proposes to him, and maybe Dean accepts, and maybe Gabriel and Sam and Bobby start applauding so loudly that the ceiling almost falls down on their heads, and Dean and Cas are so embarrassed and they won't be able to look anyone in the eyes for at least one week.

But if they'll ever have kids, adopted or not, Dean will never tell them this part of the story.


End file.
